"The Not So Helpless Rideshare Driver" By Don Miles

     She was a beautiful young girl that I picked up near downtown Detroit, at one of the high rise apartment complexes off Jefferson Avenue, overlooking the aquamarine colored water of the Detroit River. The ride was about ten minutes, going to an address off of Gratiot Ave. Downtown Detroit is coming back with investment and businesses but it still gets pretty dangerous just miles outside of downtown. I asked her how her day was and she said it was good and it was about to get better. I turned off Gratiot on to her street where there was nothing but abandoned, burned out houses. About half way down the street were four guys standing in front of a car that was in front of three destroyed houses. My heart sank. It was beginning to look like a set up for a car jacking. "Pull up in front of those guys right there," she said. My instincts told me to pull past the men and let her out. I pulled about twenty feet past the men in the street of abandoned houses. Suddenly, the men charged down the street. Now, I don't carry a gun but I am not really defenseless. I grew up around science and chemistry so I had come up with some unique defensive measures that I built in to my car. First, as the men charged from behind my car, I pushed a button under my dashboard that activated two spray nozzles concealed in my bumper that sprayed Hydrochloric acid. The men's face's began to melt as soon as the corrosive liquid hit them. Their clothes started smoking as they fell to the ground, screaming in agony. The girl in the back seat yelled,"What the fuck mother fucker, what did you do?!" "I"ll kill you mother fucker," she said as she reached for a knife she had in her boot. Before she could stab me I flipped the other switch that was under the dashboard. That switch electrified the back seat with 10,000 volts. Overkill I know, but why take chances when somebody is trying to kill you. She began to shake and twitch, drool and smoke. After ten seconds I turned it off and she fell over, smoking like her friends on the pavement outside. I dragged her out of the car, got back in and ended the ride. She got one star.